Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
