no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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