They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
