no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
