I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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