First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
