she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
