I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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