in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
