He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm at about main and main street
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
