hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
