Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
