Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
