i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
