sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
