if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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