my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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