I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
