I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
