I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
