Quick, to the slutcave!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
