Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
