see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
