At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
