its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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