Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
