my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
