Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Randomize
