just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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