he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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