Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Randomize
