The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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