Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
