I want to stick my p in your. b.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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