My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
