i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
