Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
