What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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