pedialite and red bull = repair kit
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
