I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
