Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
