I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
