My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
What a dumb baby whore.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
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