Best friends brother. Beat that.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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