We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
