I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
