he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
