Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
