Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
