yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
