1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I am midnight drunk by noon
my shit smells like andre
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
