I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
